The word asteroid comes from the Greek and means “ἀστεροειδής” which is no help at all as I don’t speak Greek. Asteroids were first discovered in May of 1998, by Elijah Wood, in the movie Deep Impact, and then later, in June of that same year, by Bruce Willis in the movie Armageddon, but even though Deep Impact was first, and had Morgan Freeman as the US President, Armageddon generally gets credit, as it was nominated for 4 Oscars, and had better explosions. Asteroids are generally somewhere between the size of the moon and a small fox terrier, and when you see them hurtling through space they make scary moaning noises, and are usually accompanied by a rousing orchestral score that may, or may not, have beencomposed by John Williams.
According to discredited scientists, if an asteroid of any size larger than a goiter were to enter earth’s atmosphere, it will invariably impact a major city like New York City, or Los Angeles, instead of any of the oceans, despite the fact that more than 70% of the earth is covered in water. This is known as “the Michael Bay Principle.” If you see an asteroid coming toward you, the first thing to remember is to remain calm as asteroids can sense fear. You should then contact your local police department, or the President of the United States, and tell them what you know. Under no circumstances should you approach the asteroid or lend it any money. If an asteroid moves into your neighborhood, you should be welcoming-but cautious, as asteroids generally travel in packs, and before you know it the entire block will have gone to hell.
In conclusion, the most important thing to remember if you see an asteroid coming toward you is to bend over, and kiss your ass goodbye-because you’re leaving this world.
-Neil DeGrasse Tyson (Not the famous one)